Hope in the Dark

Hope in the Dark

I’ve always made it a point to avoid politics in my writing for the Heyday blog.  This month, I even considered not doing a newsletter. I don’t have any words of wisdom. I also know that not all my readers are on the same political page.

 

But I believe that compassionate people, no matter who they voted for, recognize that this is a deeply painful time in our national life.  And somehow it felt dishonest and inauthentic not to talk about what is on my mind—and everyone else’s. Especially when so many people are hurting and frightened for the future. When so many people fear for their own safety and that of loved ones.

 

Eventually I realized the best way I could be of service might be to share some of the resources I’m turning to for comfort, hope, and wisdom in this uncertain time.

 

Manage Your Energy

Manage Your Energy

Time scarcity is real. We repeatedly ask ourselves or are asked by others to do more than is humanly possible in any given timeframe. Most of us can learn to use our time more effectively by reducing distractions and improving our focus. But no matter how good we get at reducing demands and managing our time, it seems that over and over, we end up feeling the pressures of time scarcity. We must also learn to manage energy as well as time. 

Three Books I Wish I Had Read in My Thirties

Three Books I Wish I Had Read in My Thirties

I just finished an audiobook that is full of wisdom about effective communicating. I wish I had read this book in my thirties when I was just beginning to think seriously about assembling a toolkit to navigate my career (and the rest of my life) more successfully. (Alas, the book was just published.) Thinking about that made me think about a couple of other game-changing books I could have used thirty years ago.  So here just in time for summer reading season (or road trip audiobook season) are three titles you might want to check out.

The Difference Between Planning and the Plan

Dwight D. Eisenhower, the former president and general who led the successful Allied invasion of Normandy in 1944 once said, “Plans are worthless, but planning is everything.”

I learned the wisdom behind his advice over my years of classroom teaching. I spent a lot of time planning a class session—digesting the reading I had assigned to the students, developing lecture notes and discussion questions that would align with my learning objectives for the course, assembling various kinds of aids to illustrate my points—art, film clips, music, charts, and maps.  I did my planning, and I went into class well-prepared.

In my early years of teaching, however, I was often too focused on my plan. I was determined to stick to my plan no matter what. Some days that was ok, but other days it was not. I missed opportunities to dig into a point from the reading or homework that had particularly engaged the students. I missed teachable moments—moments when something happening in the larger world gave me the chance to link the history I was teaching to current events.

With experience, I learned to use my plan as a rough guide rather than a prescription for how the class could go.  I did my planning, and because I did my planning, I learned to discern how and when to let go of my plan. My teaching improved as a result.

New parents quickly learn the old proverb that “the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry,” an adaptation of a line in a Robert Burns poem. Generals know this. So do the coaches of sports teams.

The process of planning readies and focuses the mind, but in the moment, you have to be able to respond to the unexpected. This is true in all aspects of your life whether it’s a project at work, your plans for the weekend, or your career path. Where do you need to loosen your attachment to a plan?

Remember: Don’t feel obliged to stick to a plan, but make sure you do your planning.

Are you an integrator or segmentor?

I try to help clients drill down into ways they can achieve more control over the boundaries between work and the rest of their lives. Recently I’ve been digging into some of the research, and I’ve realized that simply drawing better boundaries or practicing better time management are not always the solutions to clients’ sense the work and life are out of balance. The issue is often more complex than work bleeding into life.

Embodied Presence

Embodied Presence

At the time, I insisted that my friend was wrong, but his words echoed in my head. I started to pay attention to the way I carried myself when I walked into meetings and receptions. I realized that he was absolutely right: I was scurrying around the edges of a room like a mouse who didn’t want to be seen. I made up my mind to shift my behavior. I made it a practice to pause and take a deep breath before entering a room, to stand up straighter and relax my arms at my sides and then enter the room making eye contact and greeting people.

My 2023 in Books

My 2023 in Books

From the time I learned to read, books have been my solace, my inspiration, my escape, and my constant companions. I simply love to read, and I love to read a wide range of things. When I retired from teaching in 2017, the thing I was most looking forward to was to have more time to read—and to read more of the books I wanted to read rather than those I needed to read for my work.  I have read more in the past six years, but 2023 is the first year since childhood that I’ve come close to reading to my heart’s content. 

Do You Need to Update Your Operating System?

Do You Need to Update Your Operating System?

Operating systems aren’t confined to computers. We have them in lots of realms in our lives even if we don’t call them that.  Laws. Traffic systems. Financial systems. It’s the underlying set of assumptions, routines, and processes that keep things working smoothly.  

You and I also have our personal operating systems.  These are the routines and mindsets that we use to organize our lives and keep things running smoothly.

Dealing with a Chronic Complainer

Dealing with a Chronic Complainer

I often work with clients on the challenges of managing interpersonal relationships at work. A few weeks ago, a client shared her weariness with colleagues who engaged in constant “handwringing.” I wanted to understand what she meant, so I asked if these folks were venting about workplace frustrations. She explained that they went beyond venting to chronic complaining, covering the same worn ground over and over. My client tried to help these co-workers see various situations in a more positive frame or to brainstorm solutions to the problems to no avail, and she came away from these conversations feeling exhausted. They sapped her motivation, and she was actively avoiding particular people so that she wouldn’t be sucked into these interactions again and again.

Intentional Time Management

Intentional Time Management

Time—or the sense that there is a lack of it--is one of my coaching clients’ most common challenges and sources of stress. Psychologists have noted that the “real or perceived sense that there is not enough time available” to complete tasks results in a particular type of stress that they call time pressure. Clients ask me for time management tools in order to reduce stress.

Writing a Better Story for Your Relationships

Writing a Better Story for Your Relationships

In this month’s post, I interviewed psychologist Karen Skerrett about her work on the ways that the stories that couples tell about their lives together—which she calls “We-Stories”--can shape the quality of their relationships. I met Karen (virtually) and learned about her work last fall when she participated in my workshop series called Writing a Better Story for Your Life. I thought readers would like to know more about her work.

I want to be the kind of person who ______________.

I want to be the kind of person who ______________.

Last month I wrote about why it can be so hard for human beings to make change. Even if we are deeply unhappy with some aspects of our lives, we often resist making change and stumble and backslide when we do try to change. This month, I want to look more closely at some effective strategies for making major life changes. The key to many life changes is changing our behaviors, and changing behaviors is about changing habits.