How is everyone doing? Thursday of week two seems like a good time to check in. And if you’re like me, it’s been a week of ups and downs. Little ups and pretty big downs. I’ve had spells when I was weepy, spells when I was restless and couldn’t focus on anything, and spells when existential anxieties threatened to take over my mind.
Monday was particularly bad for me. I didn’t sleep well and had an anxiety dream in the wee hours of Monday morning, so I was already out of sorts when I woke up to a rainy chilly day on Plume Street. Plus it was Monday of another week of uncertainty. Who knows how many more Mondays like this we will face?
I was irritated at the monotony and sameness of each day sheltering at home. And then I was feeling guilty about how little I have gotten done since this started. After all, I have all this free time. Shouldn’t I be using it wisely? So add beating up on myself to anxiety about the health of my loved ones and the future of my country and world, and Monday was shaping up to be a pretty rotten day. Then a friend posted this essay on Facebook: Against Productivity in a Pandemic. The author Nick Martin says, “This is a time to sustain. To find ease where we can in a world rapidly placing us into chaos.”
That is so true. So Monday I gave myself permission to find some ease. I lay on the couch in front of the fire. I read my novel in the intervals when I could focus. I made myself ignore the news stories for a few hours at a time. I thought some about those early 20th century southern Appalachian farm women that I’ve written about. Their days were an endless succession of hard work and monotony as well as a lot of worry. I had never thought very much about that aspect of their lives before.
Finally around 5:15, the time when I’d be heading to my normal Monday night yoga class, I got off the couch and pulled out my yoga mat and my iPad and did a little yoga via YouTube. And I felt a little better. And I’ve been a little calmer all week.
I don’t know how long we’ll have to live like this or how hard it may become, so I’m just trying to focus on sustaining and finding ease in a world of chaos. I hope you can do that, too. Some days are going to be easier than others.
Except for the sign below, the photos this week are scenes from around my neighborhood, a much-needed reminder that life goes on.
And meanwhile, here are a few resources for you:
This is the must read of the week, a breathtaking essay about life under the COVID-19 lockdown by Jodi Cash, a Georgia writer living in Spain right now, brought to you courtesy of the folks at The Bitter Southerner. I dare you to remain dry-eyed. Cash writes, “Optimism doesn’t deny harsh realities, but I think it prompts questions instead of catastrophes. What can we do for people with nowhere to go? How can we help those who are ill? When can we applaud those putting their own lives at risk to care for the sick? How can we support employees and owners of businesses that will suffer? How can we be there for those whose loved ones will die?”
In this LATimes op-ed, psychologist David Desteno asks these questions. He notes that “Societies where people are primarily cooperative thrive in the long run compared with those where people are more competitive with each other.” He goes on to observe, “The tricky part with the COVID-19 crisis is that it’s scrambling the ways we normally experience compassion and cooperation. Social distancing means we can’t lend a shoulder to cry on; we can’t come together in person to help out older, more vulnerable people; we can’t go out to support our local restaurants and shops.”
That’s why we have to find other ways to cooperate and help each other—and we’re doing that. I see it in the neighbors who are dropping off groceries for other neighbors. I see it in the organizations in my community that have donated over 10,000 masks originally intended for janitors, maintenance people, factory workers, and students to the hospital system. I see it in the musicians and artists who are sharing their work to uplift us all. (Like this concert from Carrie Newcomer and this one from Surrender Hill. And check out Newcomer sharing a Mark Nepo poem here.)
Here’s another great compilation of stories about humans being compassionate and beautiful.
The John Templeton Foundation has published a list of ways its grantees are working to help folks in the COVID 19 crisis. The list is chock-full of resources for home-schooling families and for the rest of us, too, so take a look.
Have you been having trouble turning your mind off? I have trouble with that in the best of times. It’s why I find yoga so helpful: it’s really hard to get in an endless loop of thinking, planning, and worrying when I’m trying to get my body into triangle pose. So much of the time thinking, planning, and worrying are so much my default setting that I don’t even realize I am doing them. That’s why I found this piece by writer Taryn McGregor useful. McGregor offers some suggestions for hitting the reset button including breathing exercises.
I’ll admit that I’m having a lot more trouble focusing on breathing exercises and other calming techniques since the pandemic came to the U.S., and my Fitbit with its built-in breathing prompts died last week. While I wait for its replacement, I found a couple of short YouTube breathing exercises that I like. Check out this ocean-themed one. A friend of mine, who happens to be a physician, recommends the DARE app for reducing anxiety. She says that DARE isn’t about “calming down.” It’s an evidence-based approach that focuses on ending the fear of fear. I’m going to check it out.
If you’re feeling bored, check out this podcast on “The Opportunity Of Boredom” from TED Radio Hour. (I’m not bored yet, but I suspect that’s coming.). And this article by Leah Fessler helped me reframe my thinking about monotony a bit.
How to Get Help from the Families First Coronavirus Response Act: Advice from the folks at Ellevest.
Looking for recipes you can put together with the stuff in your pantry? Can’t wait to try one or two of these.
If you and your partner are getting on each other’s last nerve, you might find this piece by psychologist Julie Gottman helpful. She says, “Couples need each other intensely, especially during times of stress. They don’t need help from their partner to solve their own problems. They each need help to feel less alone.”
A few years ago, my husband and I met a British cartoonist named Paul Davies on a walking tour in Scotland. Lately Paul has been posting a fun series of social distancing "road signs" inspired by actual British road signs. https://buff.ly/3996Yu1
If, like me, you’re feeling sad about the travel you won’t be able to do this year, here’s some lovely virtual travel. (And I have to face it: it’s not the same as being there, but I can get a better look at the Sistine Chapel on my screen than I’ll ever get when it soars over my head in St. Peter’s.)
And I’ll sign off with a poem from Maya Angelou:
Alone
Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Peace and health to you, my friends,
