It’s Friday. Usually that’s a time when we sigh with relief and start to unwind for the weekend. Not sure what this weekend will feel like, but it felt like a good time to share some things that are helping me in the hopes that they help you.
Music has been a solace this week. Here’s one from my favorite singer-songwriter Carrie Newcomer:
Learning to Sit With Not Knowing. Click here for a video.
I’m learning to sit with not knowing / When I don't see where its going / Cool my heels and start slowing / I am learning to sit with not knowing /
I'm learning to sit with what’s next / What if and my best guess / Be kinder when it’s a process / I'm learning to live with what’s next
Chorus: Here's a clear space I've chosen
Where the denseness of this world opens / Where there's something holding steady and true / Regardless of me or you
I’m learning live with the high stakes / Befriending my mistakes / Lay my hand where my heart aches / I’m learning live with the high stakes
Chorus: Here's a clear space I've chosen / Where the denseness of this world opens / Where there's something holding steady and true / Regardless of me or you
I'm learning to live with what takes time / No ribbon across some finish line / Stop feeling I'm always a day behind / I'm learning to live with what takes time
And here’s a poem that gave me some solace by Alberto Ríos: “When Giving is All We Have.”
I sometimes (ok, often) disagree with Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker about politics, but I love her writing. And I love this essay about embracing the grace of COVID19.
Margaret Renkl is another favorite columnist, and one of the books in my coronavirus quarantine pile is her memoir, Late Migrations. I posted this column in my social media last week, but in case you missed it, here is Renkl on comfort food and the wisdom of the foremothers (or crones, to use Mohr’s term): “The matriarchs in my family surely thought the world was ending more than once, but they came through two world wars and a Great Depression anyway. They survived pandemics in a place with no hospital. With no ambulances and no ventilators and no vaccines and no antibiotics. There was often terrible suffering and unimaginable loss, but it was not the end of the world, and this is not the end of the world, either.”
Loneliness, we know from research, can be as bad for your health as smoking. My friends and I have stepped up the pace of our messaging. I’m picking up the phone to check on friends and neighbors more often. One of my professional associations scheduled a virtual happy hour. Here are some more suggestions on how to stave off loneliness while social distancing.
I’ve found some solace in Zoom meetings with friends near and far this week. The most basic plan is free, and it’s easy to use with laptops, tablets, or smart phones.
Of course, the flip side of loneliness is unlimited time together which can be challenging, especially when we are all stressed out. My husband and I have certainly found ourselves being less patient (translation: snapping at each other) this week. I found this column by Jennifer Senior to be helpful in thinking about how to live with my husband during coronavirus.
Writing coach Heidi Scott Giusto, Ph.D. has some good suggestions for folks with small children who are trying to work from home.
Financial self-care during coronavirus and other resources from the folks at Ellevest.
And for all of you working from home, here’s a summary of what I’ve learned about working at home most of the time. I can’t say I managed to stick to these guidelines every day, but most days. As I tell my clients, take what works for you of this advice and discard the rest:
Get up at a regular time on weekdays and keep a regular routine. I could easily spend the entire morning scrolling through online editions of three or four newspapers, the Atlantic, my social media feeds and more. In fact, I frittered away the first morning of what I’ve taken to calling corona quarantine just that way. This was one of the first lessons I had to learn about working from home as a freelancer, and now and then I have to relearn it. Get yourself a morning routine that works for you, but whatever you do, get up at a regular time, limit your time online, and get started with your daily routine. Otherwise, half the day will go by, and you’ll be beating yourself up for failing to accomplish much.
Get dressed for work. I don’t mean that you have to put on a suit. But put on something that feels moderately professional to you. But most days, it’s not a good idea to lounge around in your PJs or sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt. One reason that I found it so important to dress presentably was that it seemed to get me in the mindset of being professional. After all, I only stay in my pajamas for hours on lazy weekends or if I’m suffering from the flu. Wearing PJs is not conducive to helping you focus on getting work done.
The other reason I get dressed is really about the end of the day: I have found that the best way to mark the end of the workday and make the mental shift to “off” time is to change out of those “work clothes” into something else. At 5 or 5:30 or 6 at the latest, I’m heading upstairs to change into yoga pants and a sweatshirt.
Think about where you work. This is going to vary from person to person. I’ve talked to people who find it essential to settle down into a dedicated work space at home. I like to move around. The light in my home office is lovely in the morning, so I love being there, and of course, while I’m videoconferencing with clients, I need to be in that dedicated space. But if I’m working on my laptop, I may carry it to the screened porch in nice weather. I may work on the couch in front of the fire in the winter. If I need to spread out a lot of paperwork, I move the laptop to the table. Since the beginning of “social distancing,” I’ve found it even more helpful to get a change of scenery throughout the week, so I’m moving from room to room more. Mindfully choose the space or spaces that are conducive to getting your work done, based on your personality and your family situation.
Some more resources:
More advice on working from home from Maura Judkis and from Dorie Clark.
This blog post by leadership coach Tara Mohr was just what I needed, especially her point about finding ways to be of service and her suggestion about grounding in “crone energy.” Mohr says, “The crone sees the folly of the world for what it is: deep unknowing, deep “I have not learned that yet,” coming from young, still immature souls.” I don’t know about you, but there’s a lot I haven’t learned yet, and I could use some crone energy.